One of my true loves in life is researching the spiritual and emotional causes of seemingly unrelated physical symptoms.
I have a weird hive thing going on on my face. I deduced that it was stress-related (when it happened in the complete absence of food consumption or beauty product useage). I didn’t have any real reason for it, and it just popped up seemingly randomly.
But the last couple months it has been persistent. Omnipresent. And annoying AF. So as I was researching, one of the things I came across is that face issues present as a result of not accepting yourself or not liking what you show the world.
I decided to try and see if I could publicly share the things that brought me shame. I know that bringing shame to the light is the quickest way to kill it.
So here is shame point number one.
I always wanted to marry rich. I wanted to marry rich so I would not have to work hard. Here’s the situation. For as long as I have memories, I have hated hard work. Human Design says I hate work on the wrong things…which I suppose is true. There are things I have truly loved working hard on. But I knew from a young (like teenage young) age that I wanted a rich husband so I could pick what I worked hard on.
When I went on my first date with Ryan, he said the word “Vice President” like 700 times.
I was meeting with a bank vice president and…
When I was chatting with the vice president of thingamajig department…
My boss, the vice president of whatchamijiggies….
We had chemistry. He was fabulous and funny.
All those mentions of vice presidents let me know that he was important….at an important bank. I envisioned my life as Eva Longoria in Desperate Housewives.
Eventually we got married and here’s what happened.
I started realizing that the women who got the praise were women who WERE vice presidents of thingamijiggies, not women who married them.
So I pushed. I created opportunities. I was a success. I did what got praise and recognition.
I abandoned that thing I wanted as stupid. I started declaring that I was a CEO and not a mom and wife.
It was exhausting. Part of why I know the exhaustion of settling for that which is not meant for you is that I have been there.
One day I called my upwardly mobile, successful husband crying from the corporate wellness job I had created for myself crying.
“I cannot do this anymore. We are having kids. Because if we have kids, I will get 3 months off from this hell I have created.”
So babies we had. I quit working to be a mom.
My kids go to school now. They are in day care so I can write blog posts. I am basically living the life I always dreamed of. I am also exceptional at manifesting money through Ryan. Like I actually declared his salary before we moved to California.
But I am deeply ashamed of how I live. I keep launching things and scrambling to make money so I can prove that I am a hard-working success.
Very infrequently do I sit here in my beautiful, well-lit California house and be grateful that I manifested the life of my dreams. I forget to consider all that I have manifested a success.
I feel ashamed….like some kind of lazy fraud.
I don't meet the widely accepted 2019 standard of a successful woman.
But in the way that I would coach clients, I am a success in the truest sense of the word, I had a vision. I live a vision.
Here’s the thing about life. You do truly get to define what you consider success. You also have to be in touch with your desires to not be ashamed if your success does not match the definition of success that is widely accepted.
If you are ashamed of your unique successes, it keeps you from moving forward into more successes.
So I’m Sarah. I successfully married rich. I am no longer ashamed of that. I am ready to reclaim the rest of my vision and dreams for my life.
If you are feeling stuck and like you can't move forward into what you envision for your life? Look at where you might be feeling shame around what you have or what you do. Shame serves no purpose but to keep you stuck where you are.